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THE STORY I NEVER EXPECTED TO WRITE
Iโve always found solace in writing down my thoughts. And since these past few weeks have been some of the most challenging, emotional, and anxiety-ridden of my life, I felt called to share this. My hope is that it helps someoneโmaybe to listen to their gut, maybe to get checked early, or maybe just to feel less alone in their own battle.
Itโs been five weeks since I was diagnosed with clear cell renal cell carcinoma aka kidney cancer, and to say my world was turned upside down is an understatement. So many sleepless nights. So much fear. And yet, as I sit here in my bed recovering, all I feel is overwhelming gratitude. My daughter calls it โgratitude tears.โ
Iโve witnessed the very best in peopleโmy friends, family, my Modern Honey family, even complete strangers. The countless acts of love and service โ the home-cooked meals, the flowers, the thoughtful packages, the things to make recovery more bearable, the uplifting words, the simple check-insโtheyโve all meant more than I can ever express.
Iโve read every single text, email, and DM and cried through most of them. Yโall have been so kind to me. Itโs hard to describe what it feels like to face something terrifying but not feel alone. I felt so supported and loved. I will never forget the people who showed up in my darkest days. Even the simplest text meant the world. THANK YOU.
This is me being vulnerable. And thatโs a little scary. This is a story with twists and turns, I still canโt quite believe it all happened in five weeksโit feels like a year.
THE HAMSTER WHEEL
It started last year. I realized I was becoming a workaholicโsomething I used to joke about with my husband. But suddenly, I was the one who couldnโt get off the hamster wheel. There was always more to do, more to fix, more to create. I kept telling myself: Just get through Q4. After December, Iโll slow down. I promise.
But my body was whispering something else. It didnโt feel right. Iโve dealt with autoimmune issues before, so I know how to tune in to my body. And thisโฆ this felt different.
ONE GOAL
Every New Year, I normally set a long list of goals. This year, I made only one: focus on my health.
Make those doctor appointments Iโd been putting off. Get another round of blood work. Something just feltโฆ off.
So in January, I booked an appointment with an endocrinologist. I have Hashimotoโs thyroiditis and was due for a check-up. At that first visit, he felt a large nodule on my thyroid. He scheduled an ultrasound to take a closer look.
And thatโs when everything started to change.
WHEN EVERYTHING SHIFTS
Around the same time, I came down with pneumonia. I was on antibiotics but still dealing with intense, persistent headaches for over six weeks. They were different than usual migrainesโdeep, frontal, unrelenting. With my dadโs history of strokes, I couldnโt ignore them.
Iโd heard about a company called Prenuvo that offered full-body MRI scans. Iโd previously had a localized scan for a shoulder tumor, but this was differentโit would scan everything. It wasnโt covered by insurance, but I decided to do it anyway. Something in me said to go for it.
For someone claustrophobic, the MRI was intense. But I did it!
The next day, I had my thyroid ultrasound. The nodule was just shy of the size of a kiwi and resting on my food pipe. Concerned by its size and location, my doctor scheduled a biopsy. If it were malignant, Iโd need surgery to remove the cancerous nodule and my thyroid. If it were benign, Iโd still need an ablation to burn the nodule.
Cue the anxiety.
THE PHONE CALL THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
I was told the MRI results would be emailed unless something urgent came up. Theyโll only call you if itโs serious, they said.
Then my phone rang.
My heart dropped when I saw the number.
โWe found renal cell carcinoma,โ the voice on the phone said.
I didnโt know what that meant, but I knew carcinoma wasnโt good. She explained it was a type of kidney cancer. I felt like the world stopped. I was in complete shock. I walked upstairs, told Dean, and then immediately opened my laptop to find an oncologist. I called a cancer center. The moment I said, โI have renal cell carcinoma,โ my voice cracked, and the tears came.
I am pretty sure I was in complete denial that night. I reassured everyone I talked to that night. The hardest calls were to my kids and my Mom. Brutal.
THE REALITY
The oncologist reviewed my kidney scans online and immediately referred me to urology for surgery. The urologist looked at my scans and had more news โ undetermined cysts had also been found on my liver and pancreas.
They scheduled a second MRI with contrast to check for metastasis (spreading to organs or lymph nodes). If it had spread to the nearby organs, it would be stage 4. I left the office, and it started rainingโrare for Arizona. I drove in silence, tears streaming, and feeling a little stunned but resolute.
Was it only my kidney? Or was it everywhere? What about my thyroid? The cysts?
So many unknowns. So many appointments. A new test every day. Trying my very best to stay positive, to pray, and to hope for the best. And just wait for those results.
Whenever I talked to my Mom during all of this, I could hear the worry in her voice. She wanted to take it all away, to fix it, to protect me like she always has. One day, I told her โMom, this isn’t breaking me, this is making me STRONGER. It’s building me. I am going to come out of this a stronger version of myself.”
I truly believe that. As painful as this journey has been, itโs also shaped me in ways I couldnโt have imagined. Itโs carved out deeper empathy and compassion, more patience, a stronger faith, more positivity, and a fierce will to keep going.
THE NEWS I NEEDED TO HEAR
The MRI results came in.
NO metastasis. NO lymph node activity.
I sobbed. Anyone whoโs walked through cancer knows that momentโthe moment you find out whether itโs spread or not. I could finally take a breath.
The tumor was โabutโ to my pancreas, but hadnโt invaded it. I was grateful. So incredibly grateful. The radiologist declared both cysts โ on the liver and pancreas โ as benign.
GOOD NEWS BEFORE SURGERY
Just two days before kidney surgery, I got my thyroid biopsy results. My doctorโknowing how anxious I wasโwalked into the room and immediately said, โThe results are benign!โ
He immediately handed me a box of tissues. I felt so much relief in my heart. One more hurdle cleared.
Now I just needed to fight the one battle ahead of me โ kidney cancer (clear cell renal cell carcinoma). And let me tell youโif thereโs one thing about me, itโs that I will fight. I needed to know what I was facing so I could climb that mountain with everything I had.
SURGERY DAY
I was scheduled for a partial or radical nephrectomyโremoval of part or all of my right kidney. They wouldnโt know until they got in. I had prepared myself to say goodbye to a kidney.
Hearing other people’s stories of surviving and thriving with just one kidney gave me so much strength. Thank you to everyone who shared โ it helped so much.
Prepping for surgery was a marathon of fasting and cleansing. I didnโt eat for days. But I was ready.
When I woke up, I heard the best news โ they were able to remove the cancerous mass, and the tissues, and save part of my kidney. The margins were clear. I will find out more when we get the pathology report back and I see my surgeon this week but it sounds like they feel confident that they were able to remove the cancer.
Best-case scenario. SO GRATEFUL!
*UPDATE: I decided to check my portal to see if the pathology report was back and sure enough, it was in my portal. I was officially diagnosed with CLEAR CELL RENAL CELL CARCINOMA, and a suspicious lymph node came back clear as well as the tissues. It is a MIRACLE that I found it!
After visiting with my surgeon, he wants to watch the cyst on my pancreas to make sure that it doesn’t grow. He is being thorough and cautious — so Iโll be getting MRI scans (and chest x-rays) every 3 months to make sure the cyst on my pancreas doesn’t get larger or change, and to also keep a close watch on my remaining kidney. I have upcoming appointments with my oncologist and gastroenterologist, and will know the next plan of action. We will keep praying for good news on the pancreas!
THE UNEXPECTED TURN
But recovery didnโt go as planned.
I couldnโt stop vomiting. No food, no water, no end in sight. My intestines had shut down completelyโintestinal paralysis (ileus). They were worried something twisted during surgery and prepped for more imaging.
The x-ray results came in and thankfully, no surgical complications were found. But my system was still shut down.
Every day, we tried something new. Nothing worked. And thenโฆ
The prayers started pouring in.
I posted on Instagram about my extended stay, and the love that came back was overwhelming. I started to improve. Slowly, finally, I turned a corner. For the first time in five days, I was allowed food again. And thenโฆ I was sent home.
COMING HOME
Coming home was emotional. I had made it through.
I tried to be brave and positive throughout this whole thing. But those quiet nights, alone in bed? Thatโs when the fear crept in. Thatโs when your words, your kindness, your prayers carried me.
Thank you. Thank you for being there. It taught me the power of showing up. Even the smallest actโa text, dropping by, a prayerโmatters more than you know.
STILL HERE
Iโm still processing all of this. Cancer is a word that stops your heart. But if my story inspires even one person to get checked early or to trust their intuition, then itโs served a purpose.
Iโll slowly start posting on Modern Honey again. I have a backlog of recipes ready to go. I love what I do and can’t wait to get back into the kitchen and start cooking again. I have missed it so much.
But for now, Iโm recovering in bed, heart full of love and gratitudeโfor life and for more time. Iโm more determined than ever to live with intention, love ridiculously hard, and never take another day for granted.
Questions? Comments? Shoot me a comment down below. Oh, and here are just some of the wonderful things my friends and family did for me. I didn’t take photos of all of the meals but I did capture the flowers. I will forever be grateful for the love and support!
If you want to do a MRI scan, I went through a company called Prenuvo. There are locations throughout the United States but they aren’t everywhere. I used this link to get $300 off. I wish you all the very best!
Lots of love,
Melissa
Hello Melissa,
I’ve enjoyed making some of you recipes and I thank you for that. I want you to know that you are in my prayers to stay strong and positive through your cancer journey. This cannot be easy but your story sounds like you are a fighter and have a wonderful support team. I hope you continue to get stronger, healthier and back in the kitchen doing what you love.